We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
