We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
