I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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