Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
