Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
