I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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