i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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