So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
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Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
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I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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