and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
