The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
