Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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