Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
