Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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