I want to have your abortion
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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