felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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