She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
