Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize