So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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