my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he fucked my hip out of place.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
