I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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