what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
