Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize