If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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