I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm at about main and main street
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
