Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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