he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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