Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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