You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
