I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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