I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
