i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
