Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
