you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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