when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
