Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
