I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
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at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
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I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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