I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
