yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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