just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
