he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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