Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
do nipples grow back?
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