I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
