By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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