i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you didnt know i had herpes?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
