Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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