Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
