im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
