Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
