: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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