As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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