no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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