The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
