yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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