Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
