i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The Olympian is in my bed
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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