As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
