My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
