i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
