I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
