You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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