So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
false alarm, still single
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
