I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
