if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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