actually, I'm a sock model
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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