HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
