he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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