Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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