I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
