I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
