woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
